I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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