If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
