You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
