he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hippo gnu deer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
