I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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