I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
