I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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