You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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