Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
