She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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