Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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