Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
