I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
