Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
