I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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