We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Your cock deserves a montage
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
