I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
