If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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