He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
where are you?
Hypothermia
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
