shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
