you would pick up someone in the library
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
should my penis look like a turkey
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
