And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
