just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
