And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
