Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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