i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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