I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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