pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
