you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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