oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
