I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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