did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
