I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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