oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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