his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
