I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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