I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
