i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
