i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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