Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
