Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
