I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
