If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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