I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
