you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
