$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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