Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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