I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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