3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
