it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
