I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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