Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
