My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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