He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
