I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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