You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
