thus making me awesome and them whores
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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