don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
