He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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