tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
