i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
