Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
