Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
