Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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