hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
