Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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