ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
