Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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