I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
